The Kind of Man I Was
by Kharodine
Summary: Sid thinks about his death and how it affected Mira. Sid/Naigus, fluff with a little angst. Rated T for (canon) character death. Also posted to AO3 under the same title.


"I'm happy."

That's what Mira had told Sid when she stood behind him as he lounged on the sofa, wrapping her arms tightly round his shoulders. Sid had turned around in surprise, his glazed eyes meeting her own bright blue. It was unlike Mira to ever be romantic in any way. He smiled at her, reaching around to cup her cheek with one of his large blue hands.

"So am I," he replied, as honestly as he could. He didn't even know if he meant it.

It wasn't like they weren't happy. Mira had cried when she saw Sid again after his unfortunate death. He had never seen her cry like that before. Had she been like that at his funeral? Guilt had racked through Sid's body, prompting him to wrap her in the warmest hug he had ever given. Ironic, seeing as his body was now cold. Mira had cheered up then, her face lighting up with the rare grin that was reserved only for him. The words "idiot" and "bastard" were used a lot in that conversation, but Sid forgave her. Just seeing her again after the torture of a month in Stein's lab was enough to satisfy him.

He came home that night to find that Mira had been sleeping in his bed when he was "dead". He never mentioned it to her. He guessed that she had found comfort in pretending that he was still alive. The other DWMA staff members might have found it uncharacteristic for the strong, stoic Mira Naigus to be this affected by the death of her meister, but Sid knew her better. Even if she seemed to be strictly professional with everybody she knew, she, like all the others who presented themselves this way, could be vulnerable at times too. Sid kept this in mind when she clambered into his bed late at night. Sid couldn't sleep anymore, but he felt better once he had some time to lie down and think for a few hours.

"Is this okay?" Mira had mumbled, obviously not in the mood to do much speaking. At Sid's consent, she had curled up closer to him, resting her head against his chest so that they could both fit on the bed. He felt lonely once she had fallen asleep in his arms. At that moment more than any other, he wished that he was still fully alive and breathing, just like her. Maybe he would be better off just staying dead.

There were rumours spreading around the students. Since before the "accident", as they now referred to it, Sid had kept a picture of him and Mira on his desk. It had been taken not long after they graduated from the Academy. Then, it had reminded him of her and all the little things that she did that made him smile. Now, it reminded him of the sadness in her eyes whenever Sid's... condition was brought up. He'd kept the picture. He couldn't bear to change anything that had been there before he died. It had occurred to him that students weren't allowed in his area of the school. Spirit must have spread the rumours- any excuse to start some drama. It didn't matter to him now. He wasn't bothered about what they thought was going on between him and his weapon. The only thing he cared about was the frightened look the students gave him as he walked through the corridors. In life, he had been well-liked. Being feared hurt him.

There had been a funeral. Mira had been there, of course- she hadn't been told of Shinigami and Stein's plans to resurrect him. Thinking about this had upset Sid. She must have suffered so much, believing that her partner of twelve years had died so suddenly. It wasn't fair on her. They should have told her, although it was likely that she would have tried to stop them. Even Sid had to agree that it wasn't exactly moral to raise a man from the dead. It was hard not to be angry at them both, after what they had make the meister and weapon pair go through. They may have thought that they were doing good, but in the end it might have just been better if Sid had stayed dead.

"I'm not going to mention it to them," Sid had told Mira, "that's not the kind of man I wa-"

"Not the kind of man you are, Sid," Mira had replied. For a moment, he thought that something had changed in her expression. Sadness, or perhaps desperation.

She told him that she wanted to talk to him about it. It was obvious to him that she didn't- and neither did he. Nevertheless, they couldn't keep going on like this, pretending that nothing had changed. Spirit had tried to convince him to talk to him about it too, but he had just shaken his head and carried on with his work. If he couldn't even talk to Mira, his own partner, about it, there was no way that he was going to be able to speak with a Death Scythe. He just couldn't put it into words. He was relieved, yes, that he was given a second chance at life, but also upset about how much this had changed him.

When he had sat next to her and tried to speak to her, they didn't exactly have a very productive conversation. Mira had sat on the sofa, staring into her coffee for a few moments before simply saying, "You're a zombie." Her voice was quiet and weak. Sid stammered for a few moments, so much like his living self, before Mira cut him off with a sigh.

"I love you, you know."

Sid had wanted to smile at her, but it didn't really seem appropriate for this situation. Instead, he had lowered his eyes and said, "I love you too... You know."

"Sid?"

He was woken from his reminiscing when Mira poked his cheek, frowning at him.

"You okay?"

"Huh- Yeah, I'm fine."

Sid turned his around, shifting his body so that he almost faced Mira. She didn't move her arms, instead choosing to cross her wrists behind Sid's neck. She narrowed her eyes, expressing her concern.

"If you want to talk..."

"I'm fine, I promise." Sid chuckled, promoting Mira to beam back. He leant forward, gently kissing her forehead. "Alright?"

"We're going to have to talk about it at some point." Mira rolled her eyes, walking round and sitting next to Sid, leaning against him. Sid nodded in silent agreement, running a hand through her hair.

Sure, he would talk to her about it. Just not today.


End file.
